


I hate that fate wasn't kind to you (and I hate that I realized it far too late)

by Floople_Doople



Series: I will face the Goddess and walk backwards into hell (if it means I get to protect you) [5]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: ...., AINT THESE FUN TAGS, AND AT LAST, AU where Miklan wasn't a jackass, Angst, Arguing, Autistic Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, FELIX IS STILL BABEY HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND, Felix starts off this fic calling Rodrigue "Dad" and lemme tell you writing that was weird, Gen, Glenn Fraldarius being a Big Brother, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I GET TO USE THE TAG, I dont know how to feel about the fact that its a legit tag..., I'm making that a tag dammit, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Pre-Canon, Probably ooc, Slowly figuring out the truth, Sylvain Jose Gautier's Father's Bad Parenting, THATS RIGHT WE GOT BABEY FELIX, THERE IS SOME COMFORT BUT ITS LIKE, Unhappy Ending, actually its more, at least for a while, blink and you miss it - Freeform, even if it takes longer to tag sob, in this house we tag miklan with his middle name, might as well, no beta we die like Glenn, not sure if I should tag felix as autistic here because it doesn't really come up during the fic hmm, uh, uhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23054995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Floople_Doople/pseuds/Floople_Doople
Summary: Felix had three of the best friends in the whole world.He just wishes he understood why one of them left.(Or, Felix comes to the realization that fate has it out for the Gautier brothers.)
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Glenn Fraldarius, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Miklan Anschutz Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Glenn Fraldarius & Miklan Anshutz Gautier, Sylvain Jose Gautier & Miklan Anschutz Gautier
Series: I will face the Goddess and walk backwards into hell (if it means I get to protect you) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1510841
Comments: 30
Kudos: 77





	I hate that fate wasn't kind to you (and I hate that I realized it far too late)

**Author's Note:**

> I LIVE AND I AM HAULING THIS AU OUT OF THE GRAVE WITH ME
> 
> Really though, I meant to finish this back in January, but uh. Here I am, two months later XD
> 
> I hope you enjoy! This was my first time writing in Felix's POV (and it's babey Felix too...)

Felix had three best friends. Three of the bestest friends in the whole world. Glenn got mad when he realized he wasn’t included at first, but cheered up when Felix said it was because he was already the best big brother ever. Felix always thought he was really lucky, to have three amazing best friends and one amazing big brother. 

As it turns out, he really was lucky. Because all of a sudden, Felix woke up to one less friend than he’d had when he went to sleep.

The day had started nicely enough. Last night Felix had ended up going to sleep later than usual, because Glenn was trying to learn some kind of new trick and Felix wanted to watch. When they got up for breakfast, there were letters that had arrived for him and Glenn. Neither of them opened their letters though; Felix was too busy trying to get Glenn to promise him to teach him the sword trick Glenn had been practicing.

They had only just gotten to the training grounds. Felix finally got Glenn to promise him to teach him that sword trick. Glenn had barely raised his sword when Dad walked in.

He didn’t look happy.

“Dad? What’s wrong?” Felix had asked, not liking the...terribly upset look on Dad’s face. 

Dad just looked at the ground. Like he didn’t want to look at them in the face. 

“What happened old man?” Glenn asked, ignoring Felix pouting at him for still calling Dad that when he was clearly upset.

Dad must have been really upset though, because he barely reacted to it. He kept staring at the floor instead. Felix could feel the worry creeping over him like a blanket. He slowly walked towards Dad, a frown on his face - Glenn stayed where he was, a frown on his face as well. Then Dad finally looked up to stare at Felix - there were so many emotions in his eyes that Felix couldn’t possibly name them, but it was enough to make tears start pricking at the edges of his eyes. Then he spoke. Even though his voice was barely audible, the words continued to ring in Felix’s ears long afterwards.

“Sylvain and Miklan are missing.”

The worry that had been bubbling in Felix’s stomach quickly turned to ice. 

\--------------------

When Felix was younger - in reality, not that much younger than he is now - he and Glenn often went to visit the Gautier estate. Felix didn’t really understand why - probably some kind of important Kingdom business that Felix was too young to understand. In any case, he and Glenn would often accompany Dad on his trips to Gautier territory.

It was on one of these visits that Felix met Sylvain and Miklan. Well, to be more specific, it was on his first ever visit that he met Sylvain. He didn’t understand why he only met Miklan when he and Sylvain came to the Fraldarius estate. Regardless, he ended up becoming fast friends with Sylvain, enough to say that Sylvain was one of his first ever friends, his other friend having been Dimitri and later on Ingrid. 

Sylvain had introduced himself in a weird way. Instead of greeting them after they walked in like Margrave Gautier did, Sylvain waited until after Margrave Gautier left with Dad to introduce himself. Or at least try. Felix had seen him running towards them, and hid himself behind Glenn. Sylvain came to a skidding halt, confusion appearing on his face.

“Felix, relax, That’s Margrave Gautier’s youngest son, Sylvain,” Glenn said, tugging Felix out from behind him.

Before Felix could even attempt to hide behind Glenn again, Sylvain had stuck his hand out, a big smile on his face. “Don’t worry, I won’t bite! I don’t even have sharp teeth!”

And with that, he had opened his mouth just to show Felix that he definitely did not have any sharp teeth. Felix couldn’t help but smile at that. That had been the beginning of their friendship - though thinking back to that visit, Felix realized something. 

Sylvain talked about his big brother a lot. Like, a lot a lot. And Felix didn’t even get to meet him during that visit for some reason! Glenn had left him and Sylvain to go play while he accompanied Dad to whatever meeting the Margrave had summoned them for. And while they played, Sylvain talked about Miklan a lot.

“Mik is real great, ya know?” he had begun, Felix looking at him in curiosity. “That’s my big brother. He’s helping me learn how to use a lance! Like how Glenn’s teaching you how to use a sword!”

Felix had startled at that. “H-How..?”

“Oh, sorry. Glenn sends letters to Miklan, and sometimes I listen to him read them. Glenn writes about you a lot.”

Felix had wrinkled his nose at that. If Glenn got letters from Miklan, and Miklan read some of his letters to Sylvain, why didn’t Glenn read his letters to Felix? 

That, of course, led to Felix asking about it when they were leaving. Glenn had sputtered, clearly not expecting the question, before scoffing. Then he just ruffled Felix’s hair, ignoring how Felix yelped. 

“Maybe when you’re older, yeah? I don’t think you’ll be very interested in these letters right now.”

(In hindsight, maybe Felix should have persisted, should have kept pestering Glenn until he relented. But he didn’t, and that was on him.)

\--------------------------

Felix stared at the letter. The letter he had received that morning. The letter he chose not to open that morning.

The last letter Sylvain sent to him before he and Miklan went missing. 

When Dad told them that Sylvain and Miklan were officially missing, Glenn’s eyes had gone wide. Not even a second later, he was pushing past Dad to run off. Felix’s eyes had widened as well, remembering the letters he and Glenn had received that morning. They had been from Sylvain and Miklan; maybe there were clues in them!

And yet...

Felix knew that he should open it. He should open it now, to see if Sylvain had left any clues as to why he and his brother were now missing. But he couldn’t do it. Every time his hand moved to open the letter, they would start shaking uncontrollably, and in the end realize he couldn’t do it.

And all because he was  _ afraid _ . Silly, wasn’t it? Sylvain was the one missing, possibly because someone kidnapped him, and he was afraid of opening a stupid letter. After a few more moments of staring in frustration at the letter, feeling tears pricking at his eyes before putting the still-sealed letter on the desk in his room. He could open it later, after he asked Glenn what was in his.

So he walked to Glenn’s room, trying not to think about the fact that one of his best friends was missing when he heard...laughter? Felix froze in his tracks. Who was laughing now? And why?

His insides chilled when he realized that the laughter sounded familiar. That it sounded like  _ Glenn _ .

Felix found himself running the rest of the way, however short that distance be. Like he usually did, Glenn left his door open. All that meant was that Felix ended up freezing in the doorway, watching as Glenn wiped at his eyes, a grin on his face as he read a letter - the one Miklan must have sent him.

“G-Glenn…? W-Why are y-you…?” Felix has to choke the words out, an indescribable mix of emotions taking over him. Confusion, shock, even  _ anger _ all mixed into one giant mess.

Glenn just looks at him - still with that grin on his face! - and laughs again. “Because they finally got away from that bastard!”

“G-Got away? What…” Felix swallows down the lump in his throat before trying again. “What are you talking about?”

Finally the smile fades from Glenn’s face. His shoulders slump a bit, and he walks towards Felix, stopping in front of him. “Didn’t you read the letter Sylvain sent you?” 

Felix paused, then shook his head. 

Glenn’s expression twisted at that. He opened his mouth, seemingly about to say something, before stopping. Then, far more quietly than Felix would have ever expected, he spoke.

“...I’ll explain when you’re older, alright? Just...know that it’s better that Sylvain and Miklan ran away, alright?” 

Felix’s mouth dropped open in shock at that. They ran away? There was a small feeling of relief, admittedly; only because it meant that they hadn’t gotten kidnapped! That doesn’t mean he liked that they were  _ gone _ ! Tears began to well up in his eyes.

“W-Why-?” Felix began choking out, already feeling the tears roll down his face. 

Glenn interrupted him by sweeping him up in a hug. Not that Felix was complaining, choosing to instead hug back tightly as he cried into Glenn’s shoulder. He just couldn’t  _ understand _ . Why did they have to run away? Why was it better that they ran away? Was it because of him? Did he do something? Did he make Sylvain want to leave?

The only reason Felix knew he said that last one out loud was because Glenn bonked him on the head for it. Felix recoiled, jerking back to rub the new sore spot on the top of his head.

“Ow-! W-Why’d you do that?!” Felix sniffled, a fresh wave of tears appearing onto his face. 

“Because there’s no reason for you to be thinking stupid stuff like that!” Glenn fired back, the glare on his face only softening when he saw the new tears in Felix’s eyes. “Look, I promise that’s not the reason Sylvain and Miklan left.”

“Then tell me  _ why _ !” Felix asked, pleaded, almost begging with how much he wanted to understand.

Glenn stayed quiet.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older.” He eventually said, as Felix’s heart dropped. “Besides, you’re a smart kid, Fe. I’m sure you’ll figure it out before I have to tell you.”

Felix just wanted to  _ understand _ .

\-----------------------

It was on one of the visits the Gautiers made to the Fraldarius estate that Felix met Sylvain’s older brother. He didn’t remember why the Margrave had visited - maybe it had something to do with the defense against Sreng? He wasn’t really sure. Not that he cared too much about it anyway - he cared more about the fact that apparently he was going to meet Sylvain’s big brother today!

Sylvain had written to him ahead of time, letting him know that he convinced the Margrave to bring Miklan along - which was weird really, why wouldn’t the Margrave have wanted to bring him along to begin with? - so Felix would finally get to meet the big brother Sylvain talked so much about. Leading up to the visit, Felix had been genuinely excited. Miklan seemed like a really cool guy, and Felix wanted to meet him!

Glenn didn’t seem to be as excited though. That was weird too. Glenn had apparently been friends with Miklan for a long time now, so why wasn’t he excited to see him after, well, a long time of not seeing him? To be honest, he seemed more anxious than anything. 

Felix hadn’t understood back then. Thinking back on it now, maybe Glenn had just been worried.

Eventually, the day finally came when the Gautiers would arrive. Felix had practically been bouncing up and down in excitement, a wide grin on his face as he wondered what Miklan was like. Of course he had to have been as awesome as Sylvain described him to be, but what else was he gonna be like? Was he going to be as loud as Sylvain? Was he gonna be quieter? How strong was he really? Was he able to beat Glenn in a fight??

Glenn had been subject to all of these questions, and while at first he had tried to humor Felix, eventually he stopped and just let Felix wonder on his own. 

Then, finally, one of Dad’s servants arrived to tell them that the Gautiers had arrived. Felix had rushed out, running ahead of Glenn and Dad. He wanted to be one of the first people to greet them!

It didn’t take long for them to arrive to the entrance hall. Right after Dad walked in, the doors opened for Margrave Gautier to walk in, followed by Sylvain and another boy that Felix assumed was Miklan. And yeah, Felix could see how that was Miklan. He had the same hair as Sylvain, if a bit longer, and his eyes were almost the same color. They definitely looked alike!

But...Miklan didn’t act at all like Felix thought he would. If anything, Felix thought he’d be walking in with big steps like Glenn, or maybe even holding his head high like Margrave Gautier. Miklan didn’t do either of those things though!

Instead of doing either of those things, Miklan walked in with smaller steps, almost hesitant. He kept his head low, and he almost looked like he was shaking? Like he was  _ afraid _ of something. 

(...or maybe someone, Felix thought later on, looking back on that visit.)

Sylvain was practically pulling him along, his hand held tightly around his brother’s. He was looking up at his brother, a smile on his face as he talked about something to him - though Felix couldn’t hear what. When Sylvain looked away and saw him though, Sylvain’s smile just grew bigger.

Felix felt the smile grow on his face as well. Even if Miklan was different from what he expected, he was still excited to meet Sylvain’s big brother. Glenn was already next to him, quiet as he waited for Sylvain to tug his brother over. Dad just told them to go play while he talked to the Margrave about something. Felix didn’t remember what.

“Felix!” Sylvain had started happily, a grin on his face when he was face to face with him and Glenn. “This is my brother Miklan! Mik, this is my friend Felix!!”

“H-Hi!! It’s n-nice to meet you!” Felix stammered out, looking up at Miklan and wow he was really tall. Taller than Glenn!! Miklan looked at him for a moment before a small smile appeared on his face.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Felix,” he said, and Felix could tell that he really meant it.

Glenn scoffed a bit, but when Felix turned to look at him there was an actual smile on his face. “‘Bout time you met my little brother. I got to meet Sylvain ages ago. Your old man really needs to let you get out more.”

Felix had given Glenn a weird look for that. Did Margrave Gautier not let Miklan go places or something? Dad let Glenn do things on his own a lot - though sometimes Glenn just went and did what he wanted anyway. Dad didn’t like it when he did that, but that was besides the point. 

Dad and Margrave Gautier walked away, Glenn watching them as they did. Once they were out of sight completely, he looked at Miklan with a weirdly serious expression. 

“You sure you’re alright?”

Miklan nodded. Sylvain gave them both a confused glance - Felix was pretty sure he did the same thing - before simply grinning. “So, what’re we gonna do first?”

Maybe Sylvain was simply trying to change the subject, for whatever reason. Felix still didn’t know why. Both Miklan and Glenn were willing to play along though, because Miklan repeated Sylvain’s question while Glenn guided all three of them to the kitchens. Although Felix didn’t quite remember that entire visit, there were a few things that stuck out to him.

The first was that Miklan was nice. Like, really,  _ really _ nice. He was always ready to help Felix if he tripped, and even knew how to use faith magic!

The second thing was that Miklan gave him a really weird look when Felix asked why he knew how to use faith magic, before saying that he just practiced a lot.

The third thing was that Miklan got really quiet whenever Margrave Gautier was around. Even if he wasn’t super talkative when it was just the four of them, as soon as the margrave appeared, Miklan suddenly refused to speak more than a couple of words.

Felix wondered why that was.

\------------------------

“Why’s the margrave coming to visit? What does he want?” Glenn sounded upset for some reason, a scowl on his face after Dad told them that Margrave Gautier would be arriving in a couple of days.

“He simply wants to discuss possibilities of where Sylvain and Miklan could have gone, that’s all. Perhaps ask if we can lend a few search parties,” Dad responded calmly, raising an eyebrow at Glenn’s tone. 

Glenn muttered something under his breath, but Felix couldn’t hear what. Admittedly, he was a little confused too. Why was Glenn so upset about the Margrave visiting? Didn’t he want Miklan and Sylvain to be found?

_ Know that it’s better that Sylvain and Miklan ran away. _

Suddenly Felix wasn’t sure about the Margrave visiting either, Glenn’s words ringing through his mind. Hadn’t Glenn mentioned something about being glad that they had gotten away from someone? What if the Margrave finding them let that person get them again?

There was a heavy weight in his stomach, though from exactly what he didn’t know.

On the day that the Margrave arrived, Felix and Glenn accompanied Dad to go greet him. Felix could tell that Glenn was trying not to scowl - his eyebrows got all squished together like they did when he was trying to not scowl. He really didn’t want to see the Margrave...and Felix wasn’t sure if he was entirely happy to see him either. 

A small part of Felix - though he couldn’t understand why - still hoped that somehow, someway, the Margrave would come walking in with Sylvain and Miklan in tow like he usually did. Even though he knew that they wouldn’t, that same part of Felix still hurt when he realized that the Margrave was walking alone.

Then suddenly, both he and Glenn were being ushered away, because Dad and the Margrave wanted to talk. Felix wondered what they were talking about...and apparently, so did Glenn.

So now here they were, leaning against the door to Dad’s office, where he and the Margrave were talking. They really were just talking about Sylvain and Miklan going missing, and it seemed like a normal conversation. Dad was saying he was sorry about Sylvain and Miklan vanishing and hoping that they were found soon - and Felix did notice how Glenn’s hands clenched into fists at that - when the Margrave began speaking.

“Rodrigue, your condolences truly do mean a lot...though, I’m afraid I have to bring your spirits down.”

Glenn had raised an eyebrow at that, and Felix just felt confused. What was the Margrave talking about? 

“What do you mean? Did something happen?” Dad seemed to be just as confused as they were.

“It really is a tragedy…” Margrave Gautier sighed, though something about it sounded...off, somehow.

“Just come out and say it. Did you find something?”

“Well...we do know what happened now.”

“Oh? Then perhaps you could enlighten me?”

There was a long silence.

“Miklan kidnapped Sylvain. It’s terrible, really.”

Felix felt his blood run cold. What? Miklan kidnapped Sylvain? But how could that be? Miklan loved Sylvain, he’d never do something like that...not ever. He looked up at Glenn, hoping to maybe ask if he felt something was wrong here like he did. Before he could even try, he felt the words die in his throat.

Glenn looked absolutely  _ livid _ .

His eyes were wide with a very clear fury, his lips pulled back in a snarl. Felix almost flinched away when he saw it - he’s never seen Glenn look so angry…

Glenn’s eyes drifted over to Felix, and the expression faded from his face. Then he began ushering Felix away, shushing him before Felix could even get a word out. He couldn’t hear what Dad and the Margrave were saying clearly anymore, but he could hear the blatant disbelief in his dad’s voice. 

Once they were in Glenn’s room - which was really far away from the meeting room - Glenn let out a very frustrated and muffled yell into a pillow. It lasted a while. 

“Why the  _ hell _ would he try to accuse Miklan of that - there’s no fucking POINT-” and back into angrily screaming into the pillow Glenn went. Felix shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

“...so he was lying, right?” he said cautiously - he only guessed because something about the Margrave’s voice sounded off to him, not to mention just how absurd what he actually said was. Though Glenn’s reaction did help.

Glenn lifted his head away from the pillow, letting out a very heavy sigh. “Yeah, he was lying. No way in hell Miklan would kidnap Sylvain. I just…”

Suddenly Glenn looked tired. The sort of tired Felix would see on Dad’s face after “long days”. He let out another sigh, before looking Felix in the eyes. Felix felt like he couldn’t move - something about the look in Glenn’s eyes completely froze him in place.

“Just wish that more people would know that. But they don’t.”

Glenn stared at the floor before putting a hand on his head - like he had a headache, Felix couldn’t help but think.

“Margrave’s trying to frame him for something he didn’t do. He’s trying to get Miklan in even more trouble than he would’ve been for running away with Sylvain.”

Felix nodded, even though he wasn’t sure if Glenn was actually talking to him still or just to himself. But...Felix couldn’t help but wonder.

What reason would Margrave Gautier have to lie about something this big? Just why?

He wished, more than ever, that he could understand. But he didn’t.

\-----------------------------

They went over to the Gautier estate pretty often. Usually just stuff about fighting back the Sreng, from what Felix heard. It didn’t really matter to him - all he really focused on during those visits was the time he’d spend playing with Sylvain and Miklan.

...well, maybe his attention wasn’t entirely focused on that. 

It happened on every visit that Felix could remember seeing Miklan at. Glenn always walked to Miklan first, looking him over with an expression that was a strange mix of concern and anger. 

The anger was never directed at Miklan though. Even Felix could tell that. 

After a moment or two of looking over Miklan, Glenn would seemingly remember where he was. Then he’d tell Felix and Sylvain to go off and play, because he needed to go talk to Miklan about something. Usually, both he and Sylvain would listen, and they’d go off to play. Then Glenn and Miklan would join them later, after they finished talking about...whatever it was that they wanted to talk about. 

Usually, they listened. There was one time that Felix remembered where they didn’t. Or at least, where Felix didn’t listen.

It had been Sylvain’s idea to follow them and listen in on their conversation. It was always Sylvain’s idea to go follow them. Felix didn’t want to. What if they found out that they were listening? Glenn was scary when he was mad, and even though he’d never seen Miklan mad before, he had a feeling that he would be scary too. 

Sylvain just gave him a weird look. 

“Alright, then I’ll go without you then,” he had said, in a rather nonchalant tone, “I just wanna know what they’re gonna talk about.”

Sylvain had barely even taken three steps before Felix grabbed onto his shirt, resigned to following Sylvain. He’d never followed Sylvain before, but something in him told him to listen. Sylvain seemed surprised that Felix chose to follow him, but he didn’t say anything about it. He must’ve been too busy thinking about what Glenn and Miklan were talking about, because he didn’t tease Felix for changing his mind so fast.

They walked through the halls of the Gautier estate, Felix holding tightly onto Sylvain as they walked. Sylvain seemed to know where to go, because he didn’t stop once until they were in front of a door. He could hear Glenn and Miklan talking through it.

Quietly, they both approached the door, and Sylvain motioned for Felix to come closer. He latched onto Sylvain’s arm, though he didn’t have to strain his ears to hear what they were saying.

“I keep telling you Miklan, this isn’t right!” Glenn’s voice rang out from behind the door. 

Felix nearly asked what wasn’t right, but Sylvain quickly shushed him. Glenn continued talking. “You can - no, you have to leave!”

Leave? Why did Glenn want them to leave? Or at least, why did he want Miklan to leave?

“I can’t.” Miklan sounded resigned - not even sad or upset, just accepting. And not in a good way. Felix noticed that Sylvain had tensed up.

“And why not?” Glenn sounded like he was being harsh, but Felix could tell there was worry in there alongside the anger. It seemed like Sylvain could tell too.

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - I can’t leave. Not when Sylvain would be stuck here, with them. I...I can’t even think about leaving him behind.” Miklan’s voice got quieter at the end. Glenn didn’t respond to that.

...leave Sylvain behind with who?

A part of Felix wanted to hear what else they were going to say. But then Sylvain had started ushering Felix away, and he wasn’t able to say anything until they got to Sylvain’s room.

“What were they saying? Why was Glenn telling Miklan to leave?” Felix had asked, genuinely confused and wanting to understand. Sylvain was quiet at that, the strange look from earlier back on his face. After a moment he sighed, before smiling.

Something about that smile didn’t seem right.

“Ah, I don’t think it’s that important,” Sylvain quietly said, that weird smile on his face, “besides, you can ask me later. More importantly, what do you want to play?”

(He never did get to ask Sylvain about it later.)

\----------------------------

Dimitri and Ingrid arrived at the Fraldarius estate sooner than Felix expected. Still after Margrave Gautier’s visit - and even if that had been weeks ago, what he had said was still ringing around in his head.

Miklan kidnapping Sylvain. Just the idea of it sounded silly and impossible.

But Felix tried not to think about it. Right now, his friends (only two of them, maybe for forever, his mind reminded him, and Felix felt a pang in his heart at that thought) were here to visit, and Felix just wanted to focus on that. He hadn’t seen Dimitri and Ingrid for months now, and he missed them!

He tried not to think about the fact that the last time he saw them, Sylvain was still with them, and they had all been playing together without a care in the world.

Glenn was with them, not really playing with them like he used to. He just stood there, watching them play. Except they weren’t really playing today either. They all just kind of...sat there. Usually it was Sylvain that was getting them into the game, encouraging them as Glenn and Miklan either played along or sat and talked.

It was really obvious that something was missing. Dimitri looked upset, and Ingrid was struggling not to cry. Felix himself was trying to fight down tears. He couldn’t keep crying - he cried a lot already. 

“...I still can’t believe that he’s gone.” 

Both Dimitri and Felix looked up at Ingrid, who was staring at the ground. Her hands held tightly onto her dress, the skirt getting scrunched up in her hands. She was shaking. A lot. Felix could hear footsteps behind them, and Felix assumed that Glenn had stood up to stand behind him. A hand on his shoulder just confirmed that.

“It’s dumb! I…” Ingrid sniffled, but her expression was really angry. Why- “I thought Miklan was better than that!”

What.

Dimitri nodded, a choked noise escaping him. “I...I didn’t think Miklan would ever…” trailing off, as though he couldn’t even say the words. 

_ What _ . 

“Why would he kidnap Sylvain?!” Ingrid exclaimed, angry tears bursting from her eyes. “He - He seemed so  _ nice _ ! Why…?”

As Ingrid tried to wipe away the tears that were running down her cheeks, all Felix could feel was a cold numbness. A heavy weight seemed to appear in his stomach, not for the first time.

Did...Did Dimitri and Ingrid really think Miklan would kidnap Sylvain? How could they even think something like that? They know ( _ knew _ , should he be using that instead?) Miklan, how much he cared for Sylvain and wanted him to be happy.

( _ “I can’t leave him behind, _ ” Miklan had said, and those words had never rung so loud in Felix’s mind until that moment.)

After a moment, Felix realized Glenn was silent. The hand he had placed on his shoulder was gone now, instead trembling at his side. He turned to look at Glenn’s face, and nearly recoiled.

Glenn looked  _ livid _ . 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Glenn nearly hissed out, prompting a flinch from Felix. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Dimitri and Ingrid had flinched too. He had never heard Glenn sound so angry before, especially not at them. “I thought you were all smarter than to believe the crap the margrave is telling!”

“Glenn, what-?” Ingrid had started saying, probably about to ask Glenn why he was blowing up so suddenly, but she didn’t get to finish.

“Do you really think Miklan would sink that low?!” he practically growled out, the fury dripping from his words as he turned to stare Ingrid directly in the eyes. 

To her credit, Ingrid didn’t cry - Felix knows that he would have immediately. She just stared at him, trembling slightly before looking away.

“W-Well, what other explanation d-do we have…?” she eventually muttered, pointedly avoiding Glenn’s angry gaze. She sounds apologetic, but Glenn scoffs at it.

“Use your brains - I know you have them in there somewhere. You should be able to figure it out.” Felix didn’t understand. Why wasn’t Glenn just telling them outright?

Dimitri and Ingrid both looked extremely confused. As though they couldn’t think of any other explanation. Was...was the idea of Miklan kidnapping Sylvain really that easy to believe? Suddenly Felix found that he couldn’t stay quiet any longer.

“They ran away!” Felix blurted out, before slapping his hands over his mouth. He really hadn’t meant to blurt it out, promise!

Ingrid and Dimitri both whirled on him, eyes wide with what was clearly surprise. 

“How do you know?” Dimitri asked, clearly in disbelief. Felix squirmed in discomfort - what if now that he said something, they’d try to go find Sylvain and Miklan? And what if they succeeded, and what if Sylvain got mad at him for finding him and Miklan when he didn’t want to be found-

“Because we were told. That’s why.” Glenn’s tone was still angry, but it was significantly calmer than before. 

Ingrid began questioning Glenn about it more - but Glenn stayed quiet about it, refusing to answer beyond the fact that they were told.

Felix wondered why that was. Even though he followed Glenn’s example and didn’t answer any other question, he couldn’t help but wonder what Glenn’s reasoning was.

Was it because he didn’t think they could handle the full truth?

Like he didn’t think Felix could?

\----------------------

Glenn seemed almost frantic. Maybe even panicked, but Felix had never seen his brother panicked, so that couldn’t be it. 

They were on their way to the Gautier estate when Dad informed them of what had happened. As for what this something was?   


Miklan got dropped down a well, and was now horribly sick because of it. Sylvain was apparently the one who found him - and if it wasn’t for him, Miklan might not even be here anymore.

Felix had been crying once Dad told them what happened. Why wouldn’t he? Miklan could have died! He could have lost a friend, and Felix couldn’t stand that thought at all.

When they finally did arrive at the Gautier estate, Glenn had rushed off towards Miklan’s room, with Felix following close behind. Glenn had almost kicked the door down in his haste, not that Felix really blamed him. Both of them had stopped in their tracks when they did enter Miklan’s room. 

In Felix’s opinion? Miklan looked  _ awful _ . He was obviously sick, not to mention how Sylvain sat at his bedside with a worried look on his face. He only looked over once he heard the door open, but even then he only looked at him and Glenn for a couple moments before staring at Miklan again.

Glenn approached Miklan, staring at each other. To Felix, it looked like they were having a conversation - even if they weren’t saying anything. They did that, sometimes. Felix idly wondered if he’d be able to do that someday - have a conversation with someone just by looking at them.

(Felix tried not to think about the fact that one of the only people Felix could see himself doing that with was gone now.)

“Sylvian, do you mind if I have a quick chat with your brother? I just wanna ask him something. In private.” Felix had admittedly been a little surprised when Glenn said that. What could Glenn have to talk about with him now?

Sylvain just nodded though, grabbing Felix by the hand and leading him out of the room. Felix didn’t even get a chance to protest, or ask what was going on. Not that he really  _ could _ protest anyway; what could he even say?

Once Sylvain had dragged him all the way to a hallway, Felix had pulled his hand away - nevermind the fact he didn’t really want to. Sylvain stopped in his tracks as soon as Felix’s hand slipped free. For a few moments, they both stood in silence. Felix hadn’t known why, but for some reason, it was  _ difficult _ just to get out what he had wanted to say.

Eventually, Felix found his voice, and thus asked what had been bugging him since he’d found out what happened.

“W-What really h-happened?” His voice had wobbled, and he felt a lump in his throat, but he hadn’t let that stop him from asking.

Though, he initially wondered if he should have when he realized Sylvain wasn’t saying anything. He was just dead silent...almost unnaturally so. And when he did speak, it was in a quiet tone, as though he was trying to keep himself from being heard.

“What did your dad tell you happened?”

Felix had been a bit caught off guard by the question, but he quickly answered. “H-He t-told us that Miklan got d-dropped down a w-well...a-and that your f-found him…that’s it.”

Sylvain turned around to face him again. The expression on his face was...not one that Felix ever wanted to see again. He didn’t remember ever seeing his eyes look so...so…

...so  _ dead _ .

“It’s like he said. Miklan got trapped in a well. I had to pull him out.” Sylvain’s voice was just as dead as his eyes, and Felix wanted to shiver. This...this wasn’t Sylvain. At least, not the Sylvain he knew. What happened to that Sylvain? Why was this one so cold and lifeless?

(...belatedly, Felix realized, just because Sylvain wasn’t the one nearly murdered, doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t feel terrible over it. Sylvain always had a heart that was too big for his own good.)

“B-But…” Still, Felix had pushed, wanting to understand. He wanted to know what happened, and if there was anything he could have done to perhaps prevent this - anything that’d keep Miklan safe and Sylvain from looking so dead. “But w-what happened? H-How did M-Miklan get down t-there?”

Felix remembered hesitating for a moment after saying that - did he push too far? Should he have stopped?

Sylvain had looked at him in surprise at that. Felix was just glad that the dead look had vanished, even if it was soon replaced by a weird laugh from Sylvain. It sounded almost  _ hollow _ , if that made any sense.

“Some bad people that wanted him dead trapped him down there. That’s all there is to it.” Sylvain had looked away from Felix when he said that. 

There was a moment of silence before Sylvain sighed, turning back to Felix with a strained smile.

“Well, how about we go play around until Glenn gets us? Knowing him, he’s probably going to be talking to Miklan for a while,” Sylvain had said, with Felix readily agreeing. Maybe Felix could cheer Sylvain up while they were playing!

(Felix wanted to smack himself for not thinking more about what Sylvain had been looking at when he said that it was bad people who trapped Miklan in the well.

He had been looking at a portrait of Margrave Gautier.)

\------------------------

Felix’s thoughts were all swirling around his head. All these seemingly unconnected pieces were now finding threads of similarity, enough to form a web of connections that Felix had previously brushed off. 

They had arrived on a seemingly normal day. Truthfully, Felix had been staring at the letter from Sylvain that he received all that time ago - nevermind the fact he still hadn’t worked up the courage to open it - when the realization hit him.

And he wanted to kick himself for not putting the pieces together sooner.

How skittish Miklan was around the margrave. The dirty looks Glenn always sent his way. The way Sylvain would always try to guide Miklan away from the margrave whenever possible, despite how clearly uncomfortable he was around him. How the margrave would always favor Sylvain whenever it came to anything, even if Sylvain wasn’t ready for it.

The several murder attempts on Miklan that no one did anything about.

Maybe he was jumping to conclusions here. Goddess, he hoped he was jumping to conclusions here. Sure he liked being right, but this was the one time he prayed that he was  _ wrong _ .

Who wouldn’t want to be, when the conclusion they came to was that one of their best friends and his brother were forced to run away due to how their father (and at this point, maybe their mother too) treated them. He didn’t like it. Not at all. Just the thought that he might be correct made his blood boil with anger (not just at the margrave and his wife - at himself too, for being too naive to see what was in front of him).

Well, there was one thing Felix knew he was right about.

Glenn  _ definitely  _ knew what was really going on. There was no way he didn’t.

So, the night before Glenn was supposed to leave, Felix confronted him. He walked up to Glenn as he was heading to his room for the night and stood in front of him, preventing him from moving forward.

“Felix? What do you want? I kinda need to finish packing up.” Glenn sounded a bit annoyed, though Felix guessed he understood why.

“I wanna ask you something.” For once, Felix’s voice was firm. He was almost proud of himself for not stuttering, but he couldn’t get distracted. Not now.

Glenn raised an eyebrow. “...sure, I guess. What did you want to ask me?”

Felix took a breath. No backing out now. 

“It’s about Sylvain and Miklan.”

Glenn’s expression twisted as soon as he said their names. Felix didn’t know with what.

“What did you want to ask?” Glenn’s voice stayed level, but Felix could tell he was feeling nervous.

He refused to meet Felix’s gaze. It only made the sinking feeling in Felix’s stomach worse. Nevertheless, he still pressed on.

“Margrave Gautier w-was…” The lump in Felix’s throat became a stone, but he forced himself to keep going. “...h-he was hurting t-them, wasn’t he? O-Or at least, was h-hurting Miklan…?”

Felix prayed that Glenn would say no. Felix prayed that Glenn would sputter, appalled that Felix would even suggest it. Hell, Felix would’ve been happy if Glenn ruffled his hair like he always did when Felix made a mistake and told him he was being an idiot.

His prayers weren’t answered, and Felix felt his heart drop down to his feet as Glenn simply looked away with a pained expression.

“...I-I’m right, a-aren’t I.”

It wasn’t a question. Felix knew he was right, he  _ knew _ , and yet he still  _ foolishly _ hoped that Glenn would tell him that he was wrong. 

“...You are.” Glenn’s voice was quiet, unnaturally so, but to Felix it might as well have been a scream directly in his face. It certainly had the impact of such.

Felix didn’t know how to respond. How  _ could _ he respond? He felt his hands shaking at his sides, but he didn’t try to stop them. He just felt a numbness coursing through his veins...before a boiling anger followed suit. Before he knew what he was doing, he was barely holding back a growl.

Of course, Glenn noticed.

“...hey, what’s with that face?” Glenn sounded almost concerned - and maybe he was, except Felix couldn’t  _ think _ past the rage bubbling in his veins. 

“What’s wrong-”

And suddenly, Felix couldn’t hear either, not past the pounding in his ears. 

“What’s wrong?  _ What’s wrong? _ ” Felix heard himself growling out, the sound foreign to his own ears. He saw Glenn startle at it, but somehow he couldn’t focus on it. All he could think about how  _ furious  _ he was, but not knowing at what.

(That’s a lie. He knew who he was furious with. He was furious with the margrave and his wife, for causing this in the first place, with Dad for not doing anything, with Glenn for thinking he wouldn’t understand, with Sylvain and Miklan for not saying anything until they were already gone.

With himself, for not realizing until it was far too late to do anything.)

“Did you really think i was too  _ stupid _ or, or  _ naive _ to understand?!” Felix almost screamed, or maybe did scream, he didn’t know. Either way, Glenn recoiled - something Felix  _ never _ saw him do - before his gaze hardened into a familiar glare.

“Did you really think you  _ could _ understand back then?” He fired back, not quite yelling, but definitely not in a calm voice. “After all, it took you this long to figure it out!”

Felix flinched back at that, before feeling his entire body tense as the rage that had been bubbling in his veins only overflowed.

“At least then I would have known, and could have tried to  _ do _ something! Not like how you and Dad just sat there and, and did  _ nothing _ !”

Felix realizes he might have crossed a line there, just from the flash of guilt that crossed his brother’s face. But soon, that guilt hardened into fury, and Glenn’s face twisted into a snarl.

“I  _ did _ do something. I at least  _ tried _ to convince Miklan to leave, to get out of a bad situation. And what did you do? Nothing! Because you didn’t figure it out until it was too late! And now, it’s too late to even  _ try  _ and make things better!” His voice dripped with anger, despite the lack of true malice. Even still, Felix felt every word like a lance through his heart.

Glenn seemed to realize this too, because suddenly his features softened. His entire body, tense and rigid, suddenly slumped, and he all of a sudden looked so,  _ so tired _ .

“Felix, I…”

Even still, Felix didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t hear it. He just. He had to go.

“Save your breath,” was the only thing he said to Glenn before storming off to his own room for the night, voice dripping much more venom than it should have.

In fact, it was the last thing he said to Glenn. He didn’t even leave his room to say goodbye to Glenn like he usually did as he left the estate to go to the capital in order to accompany the royal family to Duscur.

He wished that he did.

\-------------------------

This is how it ends.

Felix waits in his room, thinking about what he said to Glenn. Thinking about what Glenn said to him.  _ Regretting _ what he said. And thinking that maybe, maybe he could try and apologize when Glenn got back from his mission.

Glenn did not return. Glenn’s armor and Glenn’s sword returned. But Glenn did not. Because Glenn had died in Duscur, protecting Dimitri. 

_ You shouldn’t mourn him. He died like a true knight _ .

Dad’s - ...no, Rodrigue’s words rattled around Felix’s head. The familiar burn of fury and anger flooded his veins, and he found himself screaming at Rodrigue to just  _ shut up, s _ **_hut up_ ** -

He tried not to run to his room, tried to fight down the familiar feeling of tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. He wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t cry. He refused.

Somehow, he ended up back in his own room. He stared at his desk. At the now years-old and still unopened letter that sat on top of his desk. The letter he had been staring at when he realized everything.

Slowly, he approached it. Almost hesitantly. Then, carefully, he picked it up, and opened it.

And began to read.

Sylvain’s handwriting was as messy as he remembered. Still the same chicken scratch that he would always tease Felix for getting upset about. Still the same, despite the heavy words that threatened to make his knees buckle out from underneath him.

_ I’m sorry Fe, but we really do have to go. I can’t just sit by and keep letting Miklan get hurt. _

_ But hey! We’ll meet again someday, I swear! Cross my heart and everything! _

Felix’s hands began to tremble. 

_ I promise that one day, I’m gonna come find you.  _

Despite his best efforts, Felix felt a sob tear its way out of his throat. 

**_I promise_ ** .

And suddenly, he couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. The sobs clawed their way out his throat, and he doubled over, sobbing out his heart and soul as all he felt was  _ pain _ .

(And that would be the last time Felix Hugo Fraldarius would allow himself to cry for the next four years.)

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell I've never really written out actual arguments before ;w;
> 
> pls comment i am starved for validation


End file.
